On Friday September 30th Alex, Ben, Styn, Philip, Heward, Letitia, James Schulkes (borrowed from 1st Streatham Explorers) and Explorers Leader James caught the train down to Portsmouth for the RN Soccer Sixes weekend. After an early bedtime on board the destroyer HMS Bristol (and beer free night for the leaders due to the senior ratings bar being mysteriously closed!), with the various gurgles, hums, creaks, and the sound of grinding of metal acting as a sort of lullaby, a good night’s sleep was had by one and all, except for the obligatory scout in some distant cabin who kept on throwing up over his mess-mates.

Morning arrived noisily at 6:30am with the ‘pipes’ and a ‘call to hands’. We assembled on the flight deck and then marched up to the canteen for a solid Navy breakfast. The back to the boat, change into kit and another march up to the playing fields. The chief referee then got everyone warmed up with the worlds largest hokey-cokey and some speed press-ups!

Then the football began - we played our first game against Allerton explorers, but unluckily due to a series of freak highly localised mini tornados our defence was repeatedly distracted and several goals were conceded. Star all-rounder, pocket warmer extraordinaire, and part-time substitute Heward ‘the human boot’ Philips had very sportingly agreed to play for Heswell Explorers who were a man short. He said he brought panache and speed to their game and helped them surge forward to a nil-4 full time score.

Our next game was against our news friends from Heswell - this time our tactics were to lent them Bob, and to play Heward ourselves. This combined attack from within and without brought about our first victory. By the time the final whistle was blown the team had developed a towering lead of a goal to nil.

In our next game against Torbay, team captain Kirstyn was eventually found and made to flip the coin to start the proceedings. Chance after chance was missed, but eventually they scored and put us out of our misery. Seldom has a team earned 0 points so deservedly.

Our final game in the first round was against Warsash, and this proved to be our best game of the tournament, holding them to an impressive nil - nil draw. This was due in no small measure to the skill and flair brought to the team in the Heward-like shape of Heward ‘Beckham’ Philips. Bob had by now generously stepped aside to let Heward play in all our games, and became a permanent fixure in the Lymington Explorer team who were also one player down. We ate lunch with our new friends and traded many happy stories, chocolates, bits of fruit and phrases like “I can’t believe we didn’t beat you!”

After lunch the second round matches started up, but the Warsash team’s ploy paid off when the team became too full of chocolate to move effectively. The first match was over before the team had fully woken up, bu then the second and third games came around so quickly that unfortunately they were still not yet at peak efficiency. In addition Heward’s hands kept getting stuck in his pockets due to the melted chocolate from lunch in there, team captain Kirstyn was still daydreaming about her new modelling career (after a clever long range sabotage ploy at Surbiton station by an unnamed Devonshire team), Ben had discovered a new-found love of mud and was busy rolling around in it in his new t-shirt. Meanwhile James, Alex and Philip were bravely trying to keep things together but were inevitably distracted by the planning required for the entry and escape committee for the forthcoming evening meal.

The victorious Petersham and Ham six-a-side football team

By the late afternoon James was still in with a chance for the penatly shoot-out final on Sunday, Bob was still playing with the Lymington boys and Ben had put in some sterling foot and mud work for Heswell again in their later matches, but eventually the players limped back to HMS Bristol to bath in fresh Lynx and prepare for the evening’s delights in true Navy fashion - a riot at the food halls followed by some mine juggling, a film and then an early bedtime!

Ann braved the train journey to Portsmouth and taxi ride to Whale Island to swap leader duties with James and found a nice comfy top bunk to sleep in under the gun emplacement.

There are more pictures here

RN Soccer Sixes, September 2005.